26.

I turned 26 on Saturday.

I honestly hadn’t felt much excitement about my birthday this year. Maybe that’s how it goes as I get older. This time a year ago, I was excited about what my new year would bring. Life seemed happy and bright. But I ended up with 3 injuries and unable to dance at all entering into my 26th year. I’m too focused on getting better in the present than thinking ahead to what this next year will hold. Hopefully no more injuries. I hope.

In the previous weeks, I had wanted to hike, go indoor rock climbing, or finally go to one of those trampoline parks for my day. Obviously those possibilities were derailed when I broke my foot.

Despite all of my moping around lately, my boyfriend did all he could to make sure I had a good birthday. He made me breakfast, and then we went into town to get Starbucks (I had a free birthday drink on my card) and Duck Donuts. Then, he took me to Lowe’s so we could pick out the parts for my present: a ballet barre. I had mentioned I’d like to have one weeks ago (so that I can stop clinging to the kitchen counter with limited space when I practice), so he is making me one. 🙂 I am so excited. Even though I can’t use it anytime soon, it will be waiting for me when I can return to dancing.

We had a late brunch and drinks at a local place, and then we went to my parents’ house for dinner. They had cake and gifts for me too. It was very sweet. It just didn’t feel complete without my uncle there. I guess the first year after a loved one dies, every special date will feel a bit sad.

I stayed the night there because my mom really wanted me to. She was really upset when I didn’t stay the night last year. I stayed part of the previous weekend there, but she wanted to see me more on my birthday. We went to church the next morning and my dad had one of his bipolar outbursts afterward. I was so disgusted with him that I ignored him the rest of the day. Then, my mom needed my help completing some forms relating to my uncle’s life insurance. That took a good part of the afternoon. Of course I didn’t mind helping her. It was just sad is all.

So my weekend went well. Well, at least half of it did.

Also, I’m realizing birthdays can be a time when you really find out who your true family and friends are. Obviously, nobody can remember the birthday of every person they know. I definitely don’t. I do try, though. But friends who I used to consider best friends, who I spent years with, who are still friends but not as close, didn’t say anything to me. Family, the very few family members I have left (and who I see once every year or two), said nothing to me. I know that most of these people saw that it was my birthday (on my Instagram story). Some even liked my post on social media. But they didn’t say anything. And I feel immature/petty for even thinking about it this way. I know I’m not perfect either. But over time, I am finding that family isn’t always blood.

I digress.

I had a dream last night that I was using my ballet barre. I think I was feeling elated but timid in the dream. I was ecstatic to be doing ballet but worried about messing up my foot again. I guess this was a premonition of how I’ll feel once I’m cleared to dance again.

I’ve been feeling a bit of discomfort in my ankle the past few days. I think it’s because it’s so stiff from being in the boot. I tried to gently roll out my foot and do some light ankle circles last night, but it wasn’t moving much. I’m feeling pain in my foot off and on today….I hope I didn’t mess anything up last night.

Also, I went to the orthodontist yesterday and found out that I get my braces off on May 9th. That’s further away than I hoped, but it’s fine. It’s not like braces on my teeth inhibit me from dancing, so that’s not a big concern for me.

I guess you can say I’m under construction right now. Not only physically, but mentally as well.

Dance was my way of not only escaping from life, but living it at the same time. It took away all my worries and stresses. I know I will be back at it eventually, but in the meantime, I need to find other things to help me pass the time. I’ll see if I can set up an area for doing puzzles tonight. Back in the day, I was a puzzle wizard.

Sorry for my whiny post. It feels good to lay all my thoughts out, though.

I’m needing to remind myself of all I do have. I have a lot to be thankful for. Things in my life could be so much worse. It’s all about my outlook. These next 4 (at least) weeks are going to be a struggle, but if I can change my attitude, I won’t be entering into a depression.

This is just another chapter (thank you for the reminder, anothernightatthebarre!).

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